Conversations | 12

Me: Do you guys remember the demolition derby thing from last year?
Emma: Oh the moon thing where it's gonna blow up the sun?
Me: ...? You mean the solar eclipse on Monday?

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Emma: Mom, can I open my umbrella so the sun doesn't get in my eyes?
Me: No, you can't open your umbrella in the car. What happened to the sunglasses I bought you?
Emma: They were in my backpack but I don't know now.
Me: Hmm....
Emma: IT DOESN'T MATTER, YOU DON'T NEED THEM TO LIVE.

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Emma: I wanna make my own car so I don't have to pay for it.

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Emma: I want orange Nikes. But like, whatevs.

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Emma: I've been waiting A YEAR for my birthday.
Me: That's how it works, kid.

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Emma: So Jesus lives in the sky now?
Me: Yes.
Emma: That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my whole entire life.
Me: Same.

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In line at the fair with an impatient Madden,

Emma: Madden quit whining like we're gonna die!

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Emma: I wish everyone would give me their whole entire wallets.

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Trying to take a pic of Emma's newly re-pierced ears,

Me: Do you wanna do a smile?
Emma: No. I told you a long time ago I'm not gonna smile anymore. Starting NOW.

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To Madden, about the Emoji movie,

Emma: You'll laugh so hard you'll have to close your mouth and use your manners.

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Madden: Mom, did you know Saturn is a a gas planet? Saturn is a gas planet. We go to Saturn because we go to get gas. So we go to Saturn. We're Saturn.

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Me: Madden, what do you wanna wear to school on your first day? What special outfit?
Madden: I want YOU to choose it because I want you to make me fancy.
Me: Really?!
Madden: Mmm hmm!
Me: *soul is crying*
Madden: I want a jacket and a little bow around my neck, like a magic person!

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Me: Madden, what's your favorite thing in the whole entire world?
Madden: I don't know. Maybe being a bad guy riding a motorcycle with a gun.
Emma: Yeah but you're not that. So okay?

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Emma: I wish we were moving to Oregon.
Madden: Well too bad, we're moving to Stafford.

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Me: Look at Briseis on this day in 2005 when she was a baby.
Emma: When was she born? 2007?
Me: ...2005.

Conversations | 11

After telling her it was time to let Madden choose a show on Netflix,

Emma, stomping upstairs: UGH I JUST HATE WHAT'S HAPPENING!

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While trimming the tags off his new clothes for kindergarten (!!!),

Madden: Don't be mad at me if I cut you. You can just go get a bandaid.

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Talking about racism with the kids during the Charlottesville protests,

Me: Do you know what racism is? Have you heard that word before?
Madden: *looks confused*
Emma: I think so?
Me: Racism is when people don't like other people because their skin is a different color. It's dumb.
Emma, genuinely confused: That was supposed to be way in the past?

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While emptying the dishwasher (again),

Madden: Mom, don't call them silverware. Just call them metal forks and spoons and knives. I don't like saying "silverware."

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Calling Madden in for dinner while he's playing with the neighbor boy,

Me: Tell him you'll play with him tomorrow.
Madden: I'll play with you tomorrow, okay? Go to your home please.

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Emma: Mom, fix your attitude.
Me: Can't. It's broken.
Emma: Then you're kicked out of this family.

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While on the way home from Myrtle and pretending to be following their directions,

RJ: Emma and Madden. Where do we go from here?
Emma: We have no idea, but we'll keep a lookout.

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While in the car,

Madden: I'm hungry!
Emma: Then swallow your spit.

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Madden: Mom! Star Wars came out (on Netflix).
Emma: When movies come out they just pop out of the theater and into our TV.

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Madden: I'm gonna keep this bandaid so I can remember myself from the doctor.

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While looking at my typewriter,

Emma: That looks like a computer they used in the past.

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I hear a blood curdling scream upstairs,

Me: What's going on up there?
Them: We're just playing hide and seek!

Recent simple pleasures

Waking up with the kids in my bed.

Waking up with the kids not in my bed.

Texts from [redacted].

Brioche French toast with powdered sugar and two sides of shredded hashbrowns. 

GETTING TATTOOED.

Seeing Nana Karla and JK.

The kids' joy over the simplest things (fidget spinners so precious they're brought to bed for safe keeping, and a color-it-in-yourself umbrella).

New gym clothes.

FRIENDS.

Gaining back my breakup weight.

New toaster oven at work.

My personal Project Life®/One Little Word™ album. LOVE THIS THING SO MUCH.

Being invited on a friends' road trip.

&pizza.

Conversations | 10

Emma: You write a lot.
Me: Because I want to write a book one day.
Emma: About? About the shifting person?
Me: About my life. So yeah, I guess that concept works. 

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Emma: I caught a moth. It's gonna be my pet butterfly.
Madden: It's a moth. Not a butterfly.
Emma: That's okay. I can call it a moth because moths and butterflies are like brother and sister, you know.

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A song from Eminem's first album is blasting in the car,

Madden: You know I can sing this whole song in my head.
Emma: Madden, you've never heard it.
Madden: SO?!

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Freezer's ice maker makes a loud noise as it drops the ice,

Emma: What is that? Is there a woodpecker in there or something?

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After the weather report plays on the news,

Me: You hear that? Tomorrow will be even hotter than today.
Emma: OH SNAP.

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Madden: Mom, can boys do gymnastics?
Me: Yep, they sure can.
Madden: Then I'm gonna be a boy gymnasticser.