Bri: Ponds are the smallest, right?
Me: Yeah. Well...puddles are the smallest...
Bri: ...really mom?
Madden: NO! RAIN DROPS ARE THE SMALLEST!
Madden: Mom, does Bri have a mom?
Me: I'm her mom...
Madden: Then who is Rosa?
Me: Her stepmom...
Madden: What's a stepmom?
Me: When we move I might be able to come volunteer in your classrooms one day a week. Would you like that?
Emma, begrudgingly: Yes.
Madden, excitedly: I would LOVE that, mom!
Emma: Trucks are awesome.
Madden: No, they're lovely.
Emma: NO. They're awesome. THIS ISN'T RUSSIA!
While setting up to lift,
Madden: Are you gonna put on music or what, mom?
Me: Of course, bud.
Madden: What kind of music are you gonna put on?
Me: I think summer music.
Madden: Ohhh, that's wonderful!
Emma: I love waffles. I wanna go on a date with them.
Madden: You wanna go on a date with waffles?!
Madden: You can't. Waffles aren't real. They're not alive. They're not people. They don't have eyes or feet!
Emma: People don't HAVE to have eyes or feet.
Lifting and AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" comes on,
Madden, thinking they're singing "shoot": *makes machine gun noises the entire time*
Madden, complaining he's cold in the car,
Me: It takes a minute to heat up, bud. You'll warm up in a minute.
Emma: First the air will go to mom and then to the passenger seat and then it comes to me, Emma, and then it goes to pet turtle and then it goes to my suitcase and THEN it goes to you, Madden.
Me: WTH, Emma?
Wrestling together on the living room floor,
Emma: MADDEN! STOP DOING A HUMAN LAUGH. DO A BABY LAUGH!
Emma: Look! A golden car. That MUST be expensive!
Emma: Do you know what my favorite color is? All of them. Except brown. Well...I like brown a little bit because it's like chocolate.
Fresh out the shower, looking at himself in the mirror,
Madden: I wish I could have a haircut to look like Barack Obama.