Conversations | 03

Madden: I know how to spell Daddy's name!
Emma: D-A-D...D-Y.
Madden: No! R-J!

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Driving past Wendy's, which the kids love...and hate that I don't take them there,

Madden: Eww, Wendy's.
Me: Eww?
Madden: Just kidding! They have ice cream there.

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While explaining how earning an allowance will work and how they'll be required to donate part of their earnings I go over examples of causes to support and ask,

Me: So do you know which cause you might want to help?
Madden: I want to save the whole entire planet. But I don't wanna do it if there's a hurricane or tornado.

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Madden: One day Daddy took us to Exxon for lunch and...
Me: Wait. Exxon?
Madden: Yeah.
Me: For lunch?
Madden: Yeah.
Me: Exxon is a gas station. Not a lunch place.
Madden: Yeah. We went to Exxon for lunch. That's where Daddy took us. And I got Fruit Loops!

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Waking up to a lackluster Stella (Nor'easter storm) Madden ran downstairs and looked out the window at about 1" of snow on the ground,

Madden, breathlessly: It's so beautiful!

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Waking up one weekend morning after Madden had crawled into bed with me overnight. I was just in undies and a tee shirt because it'd gotten so hot overnight. Madden was laying behind me and "tickling" my arm (the same kind of relaxing tickle he asks me to do each night before bed),

Madden, whispering: Mommy, I'm just like you. I took my socks and pants off too!
Me: *heart melts*

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Madden: When I die I want everyone to trust me, to trust what I say.

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Madden: This pizza is so good. I like grease.
Emma: I don't. That's why I don't eat pizza. *SHOVES AN ENTIRE PIECE IN HER MOUTH*

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Talking about what we want to do during the upcoming weekend,

Emma: All I want is to stay home and be by myself.
Me: All I want is to sleep in.
Madden: Me too! All I want is to sleep in and snuggle with Mom.
Me: Yeah right, you never sleep in.
Emma, genuinely worked up and upset over the possibility* (*likely reality): And you want to fart in our faces with big huge farts!

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Emma: I don't know why but when I walk outside the air makes me so itchy.

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Madden: What's the weather going to be on Thursday?
Me: I'm not sure because they don't know yet.
Emma: The don't know that stuff anyway. They just PREDICT it.

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Madden: *blows on his steaming-hot rice*
Emma: DON'T DO IT TO MINE! STEAM IS WONDERFUL!

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Madden: Alex's door phone number is...
Me: That's called his address...
Madden: Oh yeah!

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Madden: I'm so fiiiiiiine.
Bri: WHAT?!
Madden: ...uh...poop!

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RJ: What were you going to ask me, buddy?
Madden: I forgot.
Emma: OKAY, DORY.

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Bri: I don't like the frosting.
Me: Me either.
Emma: I don't really like the frosting either.
Me: Then you're in the right family it seems.
Madden: Well I love frosting because it tickles my tongue.
Emma: Then you're in the wrong family. Get out of the family and get out of the house! Get out! GET OUT!

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Madden: Mom you're the beast and I'm beauty.
Me: ...

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Madden continuously bugging me and begging to engage with him after I tell him 5,000 times to give me a few minutes,

Me: I can't entertain you right now because I'm cooking dinner, Madden.
Madden: Okay. I'll just interrupt you. I'm just kidding.

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Me: What is tax, Emma?
Emma: Cents.
Me: No.
Emma: It's like when you buy something and it costs more. So if it's $10.99 it's the part that's at the end. The cents.

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After complaining about "having" to play outside on a nice day, Emma spends over an hour having fun playing and riding her scooter before we go inside,

Emma, walking inside the house: FINALLY, FRESH AIR!

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Asking Madden math questions that are too difficult for him to solve,

Emma: Brain. BRAIN. Use your brain, not your fingers.
Me: Damn, Emma!