Me: Do you guys remember the demolition derby thing from last year?
Emma: Oh the moon thing where it's gonna blow up the sun?
Me: ...? You mean the solar eclipse on Monday?
Emma: Mom, can I open my umbrella so the sun doesn't get in my eyes?
Me: No, you can't open your umbrella in the car. What happened to the sunglasses I bought you?
Emma: They were in my backpack but I don't know now.
Emma: IT DOESN'T MATTER, YOU DON'T NEED THEM TO LIVE.
Emma: I wanna make my own car so I don't have to pay for it.
Emma: I want orange Nikes. But like, whatevs.
Emma: I've been waiting A YEAR for my birthday.
Me: That's how it works, kid.
Emma: So Jesus lives in the sky now?
Emma: That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my whole entire life.
In line at the fair with an impatient Madden,
Emma: Madden quit whining like we're gonna die!
Emma: I wish everyone would give me their whole entire wallets.
Trying to take a pic of Emma's newly re-pierced ears,
Me: Do you wanna do a smile?
Emma: No. I told you a long time ago I'm not gonna smile anymore. Starting NOW.
To Madden, about the Emoji movie,
Emma: You'll laugh so hard you'll have to close your mouth and use your manners.
Madden: Mom, did you know Saturn is a a gas planet? Saturn is a gas planet. We go to Saturn because we go to get gas. So we go to Saturn. We're Saturn.
Me: Madden, what do you wanna wear to school on your first day? What special outfit?
Madden: I want YOU to choose it because I want you to make me fancy.
Madden: Mmm hmm!
Me: *soul is crying*
Madden: I want a jacket and a little bow around my neck, like a magic person!
Me: Madden, what's your favorite thing in the whole entire world?
Madden: I don't know. Maybe being a bad guy riding a motorcycle with a gun.
Emma: Yeah but you're not that. So okay?
Emma: I wish we were moving to Oregon.
Madden: Well too bad, we're moving to Stafford.
Me: Look at Briseis on this day in 2005 when she was a baby.
Emma: When was she born? 2007?